My daughter is finally a British citizen. After quite a bit of faffing around, her shiny new passport has arrived and I’m somewhat relieved from a measure of Brexit-induced stress. Whatever happens, she’ll always have the option of living in a different country. I started to wonder, what if Britain and Germany weren’t so different?
If Germany was like Britain…
- There would be Church of Germany with schools for children to attend.
- The Kaiser would give speeches every Christmas, people would watch.
- Plenty of young boys would flock to join the German Boy Scouts, no one would think it was ‘a bit too Nazi’.
- There would be a lot more German flags flying everywhere and German nationalism would be celebrated.
- Bavarian nationalism would thrive similarly to Scottish nationalism; Lederhosen-clad, Zither-playing, blue and white flag-wavers would campaign for an independent Bavaria.
- Germans would insist everyone spoke German and refuse to learn any other language.
- People would be a lot politer and a lot less productive.
- The wine and beer would be a lot worse and the cider much better.
- Many Bundesländer would print road signs in their own languages (just like Wales).
- Fish and Chips would be wildly popular but there would still be far less water to fish in.
- There might be a TV show called ‘Nur Narren und Pferde’ and it would have a cult following.
- A charismatic German spy would feature in many popular films and be renowned for his wit and seduction. His name might be Jacob Bund.
- Germany would regard Europe sceptically, and leave the EU.
It’s unthinkable, isn’t it?