Becoming German, englishman abroad

Becoming German?

This Wednesday was the deadline for registering for the only “Immigrant Language Test” in February that I could find. The next available test would have been in April, after Brexit day. So, like any rational person, I jumped onto the train in a mad panic and zoomed down to a test centre in Oldenburg to book my place on this course. Then I high-tailed it to the local community college and booked myself another test: the Naturalisation Test. These two tests are just two of the many prerequisites to becoming a German citizen.

The DTZ (German Test for Immigrants) is a speaking, writing, reading and listening language test, targeted at the A2-B1 levels. I know a little bit about language tests already, having prepared students for all manner of English language tests, often at this level, for years. I think I know more or less what to expect, and I’m reasonably sure that I’ll pass at the required B1 level.

The Einbürgerungstest is a citizenship test of sorts. It comprises 33 questions about Germany, covering aspects such as the German constitution, rights and responsibilities, democracy, society etc. There’s an online test to practise with, and I’ve passed it every time I’ve tried it. I’m certain I’ll pass this, too. There are many other requirements, all of which I am confident I can fulfil.

Yet, somehow, I don’t feel confident that I’ll get citizenship at all. I can’t quite put my finger on why. This bothers me. If I don’t manage to do it in the time that Britain remains in the EU, it probably means that I’ll still be able to become German in future – but I’ll have to give up my UK citizenship to do it.

Would I still do it in this case? Swap my UK citizenship for German citizenship? Trade membership of a non-EU country for an EU country? Exchange my unlikely return to an insular, has-been nation to secure my future as part of an important, European country?

Yes, obviously. Of course I would. But I’d rather it doesn’t come to that; I’d never be able to get my hands on Marmite again.

englishman abroad

Roll on 2019

I had intended to write a blog on the 5th December about Nikolaustag in Germany, but I was too busy.

I had intended to write a blog on the 15th December about German Christmas Markets, but I never went.

I had intended to write a blog today along the lines of last year’s “Resolutions” post, but it isn’t appropriate this year.

There is a theme that has been unavoidable, inexorably drilling its way into my daily consciousness with growing urgency for some months now, and that theme is Brexit. And that is what I am going to talk about.

Here are some facts:

  • In fewer than 100 days, the UK will reach its deadline to leave the EU
  • The EU and UK have both started to implement their no-deal scenario planning
  • The UK government has refused to hold a second referendum or to present a reasonable deal capable of winning support in parliament

With a no-deal Brexit looking increasingly likely (it has been the default option all along) I will no longer be a citizen of Europe on the 30th March 2019. To be honest, this is less than ideal. I live and work in Germany with my German wife and children. My life is in Germany. I am in Germany.

True, the EU has called on all member states to ensure that citizen’s rights are protected in the event of no-deal, but only if such rights are reciprocated for EU Citizens in the UK. This does not fill me with confidence. I have followed the news, and politics especially, for the last two years with a hawk’s eyes and Brexit has been a slow-motion suicide from the start. The UK cabinet has been self-servingly careerist and short-sighted throughout. A look at the assorted vainglorious Brexit resignations confirms this.

Both Labour and the Conservatives are being deliberately or, worse, unknowingly, dishonest with the public; they continue in that fine political tradition of squandering an international opportunity to pander to a national audience.

For the last six months, I’ve been obsessed with the latest Brexit developments, and it has driven me slightly mad. I’m far too busy with other things to expend such effort on worrying.

So here is my new year’s resolution: I will accept that Brexit is beyond my control, and get on with life.

And apply for German citizenship.

englishman abroad, language

I can’t speak French for merde

Well, I’m back.

I hadn’t been to France for any meaningful length of time for sixteen years and cannot speak French for crotte any longer. In short, my French is god awful and going to Bordeaux was a useful experience.

Useful? Yes, useful. Going to another country and having absolutely no idea how to function beyond the purchase of a croissant and a pointless school-French conversation about where you live and what you did for your work experience last summer is a humbling experience.

You see, I have been living in Germany non-stop for a few years now, and I’m just about able to get by despite making mistakes in every sentence. Clearly, I have been getting too big for my boots. Clearly, the powers that be looked upon my level of German competence and remarked

Did you hear that? They’re understanding what he says! Despite him repeatedly putting the accusative in the nominative and the dative in the genitive and the verb as a noun and saying “sie” instead of “ihnen”, and then “du” and then “ihnen” again.

He’s getting overconfident; I’ll send him a plague of frogs.

It’s quite an important experience, to go somewhere and be absolutely powerless. It’s especially important for adults to do this, to remember what it’s like for children. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve integrated somewhat into Germany and what an odd feeling this is. In so doing, I’ve moved past much of the everyday alienation and inaptitude that I had suffered when I first came to Germany, without any German, years back. It’s been good to have a fleeting, linguistically impotent trip to France to broaden my perspective and remember not to take things for granted.

As for the meeting itself, it was informative, well received and, mercifully, in English.

englishman abroad, work

New Opportunities

Oh, sweet it is in academic groves –
Or such retirement, friend, as we have known
Among the mountains by our Rotha’s stream,
Greta, or Derwent, or some nameless rill –
To ruminate, with interchange of talk,
On rational liberty and hope in man,
Justice and peace.

– William Wordsworth. Book 9, Residence in France, 400-406. The Prelude.

The MariLANG project has officially ended and with it my work producing test items for learners of Maritime English and seafarers. I joined the project fairly late into it, most of the work had already been done by people much more talented than me, but I learned a lot and produced a fair bit of work that I’m proud of. I also wrote a chapter of what will become the official book, so I’ll finally see my name in print! Albeit in a rather dry, academic tome. I also got to travel with the project, twice to Southampton and once to Kenilworth, to meet partners and receive training.

Next week I’ll be off again, this time to Bordeaux, to attend and contribute to the kick-off meeting of another EU project – The TRAILs project. Whereas MariLANG sought to make an ESP test for mariners, TRAILs is more concerned with the training of LSP teachers/practitioners (ESP included). I’ll be presenting my guidelines for the identification and analysis of LSP teacher training in the EHEA to other project partners and soliciting feedback, before finalising them and working with the other partners to implement them into our research. After that, it’s two years of research into best LSP teacher-training practices with a few trips abroad here and there for meetings. Ultimately there will be the provision of a summer school to operationalise the pedagogical concepts we’ll all have come up with, surely, by then.

But first thing’s first, off to Bordeaux. I’m getting thirsty just thinking about it…

englishman abroad, Teaching English

English for Specific Purposes

Teaching English in Germany was a not a career I studied for at school, nor could I have done so if I had wanted to. You see, although I studied English Language and English Literature at A-level and literature as a BA, even if I had gone on to do a teaching qualification it would not have prepared me for English teaching outside of the UK. To really understand English, you have to forget even as you learn.

English is a world language; some might say the world language. As Salman Rushdie wrote in ‘Commonwealth Literature’ Does Not Exist, “Those peoples who were once colonized by the language are now rapidly remaking it”. The once colonial outposts of India, the USA, and Australia now speak Indian, American and Australian English respectively. Just take a look at the various Englishes available in Microsoft Office, they have eighteen different versions of proofing English. That’s just the Englishes that a multinational thought were worth its time. The myriad English languages are in flux: making and remaking themselves as more speakers learn, adapt, and tailor the language.

In 1987, John Marenbon’s English, our English railed against a perceived orthodoxy in English Language Teaching (ELT) which regards the notion of “standard English” with disdain. Pre-existing counter-arguments to Marenbon’s vision of “standard English” include the interrogation of the word “standard” as a paradoxical term which could mean both “superior” and “ordinary” (Keywords, Raymond Williams, 1983). Is “real English” the English spoken by the elite, or the average?

Just look at how “standard English” has changed in the last decades: e-mail is now de-hyphened and countable: emails; “the data are” is now “the data is”, the subjunctive is practically dead, the Oxford comma can be taken or left, and prepositions are perfectly good words to end sentences with.

And you can begin a sentence with “and”. One can even say “you” instead of “one”.

Is there a German English, a Denglish? Of course there is. Just look at the way the tendrils of modern life have crept into everyday German: ‘updaten’, ‘downloaden’, ‘liken’.

But what do Germans need English for? As I mentioned in a previous post, everyone has different needs when it comes to learning English. Some want a general refresher course, some need it for school, some for their jobs, some for a specific project. But there is a recurring theme, at least when it comes to those medium-to-large companies that punctuate the German business landscape: office politics.

I’ll take a company I taught for a couple of years, a large multinational company which makes polymers, i.e. plastics, as my example. Whether it’s sewage pipes, car parts, air-conditioning, surgical tools, windows or something else, if it’s made of a polymer of some kind then this company probably makes it. This particular plant made car bumpers, pipes, sewer ducts, proprietary underground drainage structures and the like.  I taught a mixed group of people: some worked in the office, some in despatch, some in a warehouse, some in production, some in quality control. They all had different needs.

  • Office workers needed English to talk about orders and the attendant bureaucracy with offices in other countries.
  • Despatch workers needed to talk to logistics companies, customs and truck drivers.
  • Warehouse workers didn’t really need English at all.
  • Neither did those in production.
  • QC workers needed to explain and excuse, justify and persuade, usually to international customers about why product quality was so good or bad.

What did they all have in common? Nothing, except politics. A manager further up the tree had a training budget and an appraisal to look good for; people were lumped together and given English lessons, despite their needs (if they had any) being at such variance. The purpose of these English lessons was ostensibly to invest in people and to increase their worth to the company, but they were really:

  • to make the middle manager look good
  • to allow the employees to relax a bit on company time

These two themes are commonplace in German companies of a certain size, and probably elsewhere, too.

So how to teach such a disparate group?

I started with needs analyses. I already had one written by the manager, but I promptly threw it out.

Everyone completed a needs analysis in which they described what they needed English for. As well as the points made above, e.g. that office workers need bureaucratic English, I learned that:

  • others wanted to visit New York City
  • some wanted to understand the jokes in British and American comedies
  • most people wanted to be able to order in a restaurant or café
  • one wanted to find a new job abroad, doing something else completely

They also filled out the details of their day-to-day work so that I could perform some box-ticking lessons: how to give a presentation in English, how to use the phone and send emails in English, how to describe an English invoice, how to talk about health and safety, factory tours, fire drills. Ulterior-motivated, pointless, soulless, box-ticking, virtue-signalling, dead-end, English for the sake of it.

And then we started meeting people’s needs for a change: trips abroad, Anglo-American pop culture, ordering food and drinks, having fun and escaping the rat race. Sometimes the versatility of General English is contrasted with the inflexibility of its teaching, sometimes English for Specific Purposes is really English for Real Life.

A needs analysis should be received from the needy. If you get one from a manager, ignore it. Lessons need to prescribe, not proscribe.

A good teacher should never trade their niceness for niceties.